Dark Bilious Vapors

Thank what powers that be that I wasn't drinking my coffee when I read this, or I'd be heading to the ER to have my second degree nasal burns treated....

Well, we’re into November (my keen grasp of the obvious is working at its usual high rate of efficiency), and I guess it’s time to put on my pointed hat with stars and crescent moons on it and try to look ahead into the future. To both my loyal readers (Lisa and mom), I’m sure you know my gift of prophecy possibly cannot get any worse *cough* Astros in seven *cough* so I shall gallantly forge ahead as only Nostradumbass can…

So, here are my picks for six stories worth following in the offseason:

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4. Stadium issues in South Florida, Minnesota, and Oakland and the contraction card

I’ve had a peek at The Hardball Times baseball Annual 2006 (well I did help write the thing y’know), hence I know that SABR’s Business of Baseball Chairman, Maury Brown, feels that contraction won’t come up during the next negotiation. Now I realize that Maury is much smarter than me (like I set the bar sooooo high) and that handicaps him in understanding Bud Selig. Now an idiot like me can relate to a guy like Bud, and it’s a doggone cinch that if Selig thinks something will help him give the MLBPA a royal reaming, he’s going to try it. If Selig thought that standing in a bucket of salt water while trying to stick an icepick into a outdoor electrical outlet on a house at the top of a hill during an lightning storm while holding a metal umbrella over his head would give him a leg up on Fehr and Co. well …

Selig has been saying ad infinitum ad nauseum that without a new publicly financed luxury suite laden ballpark, the 1997 and 2003 World Series Champions, the 2000, 2002 and 2003 AL West champs and the 2002-2004 AL Central winners have no hope and faith, and they’ll continue getting steamrolled by the perpetual World Series champion New York Yankees until Judgment Day and beyond.

They can’t threaten relocation to Washington D.C., Portland and Las Vegas are no closer to having a temporary major league ready stadium (let alone the kind of publicly financed retractable roof virtual ATM machine that Selig uses in lieu of Levitra) than Dildo Newfoundland is. So how can you open up a can of Extortion Whoop Ass on these communities without a "viable" threat? Of course there’s the upcoming CBA negotiation too, and if this offseason goes all spend-happy, what is Selig going to use against the MLBPA to convince them to give more free money to billionaires who mismanage their baseball business and still expect to reap obscene profits without actually working for it that the game needs more competitive balance and parity so the Yankees don’t keep winning the World Series forever? Well ownership "won" the right to unilaterally contract in the last negotiation, and Selig has never let minor details like common sense, logistics and being realistic to get in the way of a bargaining position. Expect the other “C” word to reappear in 2006. Selig says contraction is not even on the radar screen so you know that it probably is.

Len on 11.11.05 @ 07:07 AM CST