[« "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." --Hunter S. Thompson] [Literal Minded »]
02/09/2005: PIE Blogging
I had another letter (e-mail really) from fafnir over at fafblog and he is Bodaciously (or heroically depending on how you want to look at it) trying to wrestle the 2005 Interview of the Year with our very own Constitution of the United States. faf (I can call him faf...us being "buds" an all) writes:"We been real busy. The phone at Fafblog News Central has been ringin
off the hook for days OEBookend (do you mind if we call you
OEBookend?). "COPY!" the boy who only goes copy goes. "PRESS!" the boy
who only goes press shouts back. They confront each other. Weapons are
drawn! A fight in the chamber! Grizzled old men with missin eyes an
gold teeth pop out throw down bets. A rooster is produced, it is set
upon by a dog, there are clones everywhere! There is blood on the
warehouse floor an the rooster eats the dog just like everybody was
expectin but it's still mighty sad.
We liked your Means an Ways dealie. But what about the Rules
Committee? They're the meanest of all, cause rules are mean, but at
the same time we cannot help but want to be them, because their
committe rules.
Man, the constitution's a total prima donna. It needs ferns in the
green room, it needs its own brand a water, you can't ask it about its
addiction to Valium, you gotta interpret the Fourteenth Amendment to
exclude equal protection for gays. Arrangin this interview is a real
pain. But we're gettin there.
Is PIE an acronym?"
This partly is a continuation from my My Blog Ate My Homework post on Sunday.
To read my answers to this...and MORE important warning about PIE...click on (what else) the "more" button.
Dear fafnir:
Yes, you may call me OEBOOKEND...or O&E for short (stands for Odds and Ends...what else would I be???) The bookends was just a side biz...but I still have some neat ones I can forward to you at some future TBA date...you DO read books. (Unlike some people I could - but won't - name as our President - DO NOT read books that I know of....nor apparently The Constitution of the United States neither.)
Thanks for the PIE thoughts...we at DBV were finally freed from Vicious Attack Internet(s)...fed them the PIE and they moved on to Dream-ville (It's right next to Village-Idiot-Ville...and Vicious Attack Internet(s) know they have NO PIE over there...free to attack at will.)
DBV is now up and running, again, but Vicious Internet(s) had already EATEN all the Archives. We begin anew...Fresh Hope is everything!! Hip-Hip-Hooray!! (And of course more look forward to more PIE.)
YES...PIE is an acronym...for pie. Love your Pie Blogging Fridays...and it did save us from evil attack internet(s). Len even thinks he has our archives...they are safely being held at an "undisclosed location" for their own protection.
I am rather worried about Dennis Hastert's Hit Squad getting a bead on my location here in Dennis Hastert Corner...especially now that that article "Mom on Strike" article appeared in the Daily Herald today. (PS: I am no longer on strike...all negotiation over my current terms of employment as "mom" have been successfully concluded to the satisfaction of all...but it was touch and go for awhile. *whew*)
Well...Looking forward to your interview soon. If you want a funny insight into my life you can check out that article at
http://www.dailyherald.com/suburbanliving/suburban_story.asp?intID=383912
(Too bad the site link fails to provide the accompanying pictures...so, you'll just have to "imagine" how "interesting and photogenic"we all are here at my house...but don't breathe a word to Dennis on our whereabouts!)
Cheers...O&E
and
Dear fafnir:
Was surfing through my Dictionary of Idioms (I like dictionary's as well as books) looking for the origin of the expression "a short walk off a long pier"...didn't find that one...but found lots about PIE:
Just make sure you're not actually eating pie (or anything) when you read this...it's not too appetizing:
Eat Humble Pie: This expression is similar to 'eat crow" but comes from medieval times, when there really was a pie called umble or numble pie. Umbles were the heart, liver, entrails of deers and other animals...only servant ate pies made out of animals' guts. (If you EVER see any pies like this...RUN in the opposite direction!!) "Umble" was changed to"humble" which means lowly or meek, by the early 1800 the expression "eat humble pie" had come to mean profusely appolgizing for a humiliating error.
Finger In every Pie: The image that possibly created this expression might be of a person who can't decide what pie he or she wants - blueberry, pecan, peach - so they stick a finger in Every Pie to get a Taste of Each. (Uhhh...I would prefer not have known this myself.) Think of each "pie" as a different activity or project, and when you put your finger into this "pie" you have an interest or responsibility for that activity. (Sure...and you have a sticky, gross, pie covered finger too!!!) Thus, to have a finger in every pie means to have a part in something, to be involved in many matters, businesses and activities. (Right...And who wants to EAT any of those pies NOW - I want to know??)
So maybe you need to educate your readers about these very serious dangers of eating "certain" pies...it's not a simple as I always thought.
No need to thank me for this vitally important educational material...
It's my pleasure...anything for PIE.
cheers...O&E
and
Dear fafnir:
More answers to your questions:
O&E is made of a material kinda like a black hole. Things from all over the universe fall into it, but very lttle ever escapes back out to see the light of day. So be careful...ya' don't want to be standing toooo close ...if you know what I mean.
About Committee rules...we personally know Robert's Rules of Order over at Ways and Means, but he is old and gentlemanly. The Bushies and the Means and Ways folks think nothing of but how to break all rules and grind their bones into dust. We don't expect Robert to make it past the end of March...but we'll keep him on side for as long as we can.
Since our DBV (we are at http://www.cleavelin.net/) archives was eaten by those vicious attack internet(s) and Len has not yet revealed their secret location, I can't link to it...I'll have to forward you the Jan 22 minutes of the meeting from the Ways and Means committee. I am one of the Ways and Means secretaries...so I get advanced copies of these special reports. (Since I can't remember where I've been or where I am going...I don't know if I sent this to you already. My apologies if it's duplicative):
Battling snowstorms, insurgencies, mudslides, tsunamis and even Mt Everest (who decided to jump in on the act with a spectacular avalanche)…the Committee members over at Ways and Means finally made it in for their January meeting.
*Ways and Means is not to be confused with the Means and Ways folks who are soooo Means. (How Means are they you ask? They are sooo means they use their fabulously wealthy means, ways and powers to lie to young school children in their abstinence-only programs {but I wouldn't know personally of this…since I never practice abstinence myself}; they are sooo means they want to cut your 'ole grannies soc. sec. check by 40% {she swears this is the last year she spends her entire check on Means & Ways Birthday present}; they are sooo means {and stingy} they start a war without the monies or troopsies to ensure the peaces: they are sooo means they want to dehydrate SpongeBob…anyway, you get the picture…)
They just posted their Minutes of the Meeting for January 29, 2005:
Madam Chairperson: The January 2005 Meeting of The Ways & Means Committee is called to order. -gavel-
MC: Is Roberts Rules present?
Roberts Rules: Present and accounted for, Madam Chair.
MC: All right then, Roberts, you shall enforce the rules as necessary. All in favor say "eye"
Committee: EYE!
MC: First on our agenda: Ye Ole Business…who's got the report on Ye Ole Business?
Hoping For Change: I do Madam Chair.
MC: Is that you Hope? I thought you lost your seat in the last election.
HFC: I did, Madam Chair…this will be my last report.
MC: Sorry to hear that (sigh)…Please proceed, Hope.
HFC: 2004's accomplishments include these findings:
Ways to deep fat fry a thanksgiving turkey without the need to phone the fire dept;
Ways to make Lego copies of M.C. Escher drawings;
Ways to clothe the unclothed…starting with Janet Jackson's right nipple and Mickey Roony's posterior;
Ways to pick up my laundry on Tuesday…wait that doesn't belong in here…sorry, my apologies;
Finding it was WAY too hard to learn to windsurf…but it made for a cute Meanies commercial.
Finally, we missed the Ways to make G.W.B. flag stand out of feces…the wily Germans beat us to it.
MC: Thank you Hope. We'll miss you. (hip-hip-hooray!) Next order of business: Report from the Committee Of The Hole.
COTH: Thank you Madam Chair. This year Ways and Means is proud to continue with our efforts in these areas:
Ways to get stem-cell research to cure the sick.
Ways to balance the budget…yet again (applause) without cutting Grannies check {I want my Birthday Present too};
Ways to regain our respect from the world {Or at least hope we can still be respected in the morning};
Ways to feed the poor and provide healthcare to all more unfortunate than us Ways & Means members {who get our healthcare free from the government};
Way to find a Ways candidate for 2008 who can truly kick some Meanie butt;
In conclusion, We regret to inform you we weren't able to stop the promotion of Dr. Rice…but we tried mightily with impassioned speechifying and pleas to common sense. We lost 15 Ways against 85 Meanies.
MC: Thank you Committee Of The Hole. Next the Committee Of The ½:
COT1½: Exciting developments to report Madam Chair. We plan to attend the "Love Won Out" festival of hetero-ogemouness in February. We have been leaked this "flash news," the hottest ticket to the event will be the Alan Keyes "Selfish Hedonist Make Over Booth."
MC: Do tell…
COT1/2: Rev. Keyes will have the much coveted "freebie giveaways" of the event.
MC: Oh…I can't wait…
COT½: Yes, our secret, anonymous source tells there will be chastity belts engraved with Love Won Out across the front (and only a single non-copiable master key given to each duenna) for the gals; and a codpiece made of the most durable flak-jacket material that could stop the force of an RPGL for the guys.
MC: WOW! Why would anyone want or need that?
COT½: Just in case an Ex-partner, excited and deranged by your "turning straight," might be determined to shoot off your privy member…Well…that ought to teach him a lesson about not exercising gun control. (hip-hip hooray!!)
MC: Thank you for that report Committee Of The ½. That concludes our meeting. I make a motion to adjourn.
Roberts Rules: I second the motion.
MC: All in favor say "eye."
Committee: EYE!
MC: Meeting adjourned. -gavel-
Hope this helps clear things up....cheers...O&E
Karen on 02.09.05 @ 05:12 AM CST
