[« Those who do not learn from history] ["Criminals are stupid; that's why they get caught." --Jon Waltz, Professor of Law, Northwestern University, August, 1979 »]
01/25/2005: It's that time of year again....
Time when I anxiously await the most important, most significant, movie award show of the season.
No, not that one. Are you kidding? The Oscars™ are a bloated, dull, horrid miasma. I'd rather give myself a lobotomy, without benefit of anesthesia, thank you.
I'm talking about.....
[drum roll]
The Razzies!
Yes, The Razzies (aka, The Golden Raspberry Awards), the foremost celebration of all that has gone wrong in Hollywood in the last 12 months... The award itself has to be seen to be believed:
Often called Tinsel Town’s tackiest Trophy, the RAZZIE Award itself is an intentionally cheapjack tchotchke featuring a golf-ball-sized, handcrafted RAZZberry atop a mangled Super 8 film reel that’s spray-painted gold and has an estimated street value of $4.97.Now be honest, you'd rather see that on the mantelpiece than an Oscar™ any day of the week. Right?
The Razzies, needless to say, have a history in keeping with the gaudiness of the trophy:
Starting with an Oscar Night ceremony so small it was actually staged in a living room alcove, The Golden Raspberry (RAZZIE) Awards have grown into what E! On-Line recently called "the foremost authority on all things that suck on the big screen." Annually presenting Dis-Honors for Worst Achievements in Film since 1980 in categories ranging from the obvious (Worst Picture, Actor and Actress) to the obtuse (Worst Remake or Sequel and Worst Screen Couple) The RAZZIES today receive television, radio and newspaper coverage around the world.And we have a star studded lineup this year:
WORST PICTUREFrankly, I'm pulling for George W. Bush in his categories, but for worst actor you've got to wonder if Ben Stiller's magnificent corpus just this year alone (5 separate Razzie worthy performances in one year!) isn't going to bowl the judges over. Such sustained badness in such a short time surely deserves accolades.
ALEXANDER (Warner Bros.)
CATWOMAN (Warner Bros.)
SUPERBABIES: BABY GENIUSES 2 (Triumph Films)
SURVIVING CHRISTMAS (DreamWorks)
WHITE CHICKS (Columbia/Revolution)
WORST ACTOR
Ben Affleck / JERSEY GIRL and SURVIVING CHRISTMAS
George W. Bush / FAHRENHEIT 9/11
Vin Diesel / CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK
Colin Farrell / ALEXANDER
Ben Stiller / ALONG CAME POLLY, ANCHORMAN, DODGEBALL,
ENVY and STARSKY & HUTCH
WORST ACTRESS
Halle Berry / CATWOMAN
Hilary Duff / CINDERELLA STORY and RAISE YOUR VOICE
Angelina Jolie / ALEXANDER and TAKING LIVES
Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen / NEW YORK MINUTE
Shawn & Marlon (The Wayans Sisters) / WHITE CHICKS
WORST SCREEN COUPLE
Ben Affleck & EITHER Jennifer Lopez OR Liv Tyler / JERSEY GIRL
Halle Berry & EITHER Benjamin Bratt OR Sharon Stone / CATWOMAN
George W. Bush & EITHER Condoleeza Rice OR His Pet Goat / FAHRENHEIT 9/11
Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen / NEW YORK MINUTE
The Wayans Brothers (In or Out of Drag) WHITE CHICKS
WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Carmen Electra / STARKSY & HUTCH
Jennifer Lopez / JERSEY GIRL
Condoleeza Rice / FAHRENHEIT 9/11
Britney Spears / FAHRENHEIT 9/11
Sharon Stone / CATWOMAN
WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Val Kilmer / ALEXANDER
Ah-Nuld Schwarzenegger / AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAZE
Donald Rumsfeld / FAHRENHEIT 9/11
Jon Voight / SUPERBABIES: BABY GENIUSES 2
Lambert Wilson / CATWOMAN
WORST DIRECTOR
Bob Clark / SUPERBABIES: BABY GENIUSES 2
Renny Harlin and/or Paul Schrader / EXORCIST 4: THE BEGINNING
“Pitof” / CATWOMAN
Oliver Stone / ALEXANDER
Keenan Ivory Wayans / WHITE CHICKS
WORST REMAKE OR SEQUEL
ALIEN v PREDATOR (20th Century-Fox)
ANACONDAS: HUNT FOR THE BLOOD ORCHID (Screen Gems)
AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAZE (Disney)
EXORCIST 4: THE BEGINNING (Warner Bros.)
SCOOBY DOO 2: MONSTERS UNLEASHED (Warner Bros.)
WORST SCREENPLAY
ALEXANDER, Written by Oliver Stone, Christopher Kyle and Laeta Kalogridis
CATWOMAN, Written by Theresa Rebeck and John Brancato & Michael Ferris and John Rogers
SUPERBABIES: BABY GENIUSES 2, Written by Steven Paul and Gregory Poppen
SURVIVING CHRISTMAS, Written by Deborah Kaplan & Harry Elfont and Jeffrey Ventimilia & Joshua Sternin
WHITE CHICKS, Written by Keenan & Shawn & Marlon Wayans and Andy McElfresh, Michael Anthony Snowden
and Xavier Cook
And, since this year is the 25th anniversary of the Razzies, we have a set of "worst of the past quarter-century" awards:
WORST RAZZIE LOSER of Our First 25 YEARSThe awards ceremony will be held on Saturday, February 26 at the historic Ivar Theatre in Hollywood at 7:30 PST. The ceremony will be held, as is now traditional, exactly 24 hours before That Other Awards Show.
Kim Basinger (With 6 Nominations Total)
Angelina Jolie (With 7 Nominations, including 2 for 2004)
Ryan O’Neal (With 6 Nominations Total)
Keanu Reeves (With 7 Nominations Total)
Ah-Nuld Schwarzenegger (With 8 Nominations, including 1 for 2004)
WORST ‘DRAMA’ of Our First 25 YEARS
BATTLEFIELD EARTH (2000)
THE LONELY LADY (1983)
MOMMIE DEAREST (1981)
SHOWGIRLS (1995)
SWEPT AWAY (2002)
WORST ‘COMEDY’ of Our First 25 YEARS
ADVENTURES of PLUTO NASH (2002)
THE CAT IN THE HAT (2003)
FREDDY GOT FINGERED (2001)
GIGLI (2003)
LEONARD PART 6 (1987)
WORST ‘MUSICAL’ of Our First 25 YEARS
CAN’T STOP THE MUSIC (1980)
FROM JUSTIN TO KELLY (2003)
GLITTER (2001)
RHINESTONE (1984)
SPICE WORLD (1998)
XANADU (1980)
Be there or be square.
Though where the hell did my invitation go to?
Len on 01.25.05 @ 07:07 PM CST
