Dark Bilious Vapors

I think [Cardinals fans] should rally around this point and start a campaign to land Zito--and not even for the reasons you'd think. Sure he's a lefty with #1 potential with a career 65-34 record, an ERA of 3.27 and a Cy Young Award to his credit. The Cards have no left-handed starters (and have incidentally traded for one each of the last two years) and while starting pitching has been their strength, durability questions still haunt the rotation with current ace Chris Carpenter coming off shoulder surgery, Woody Williams still recovering from a slow start due to injury and Jason Marquis having never thrown more than 130 innings in the majors in a single season. Zito could lend not only a quality front-end arm, but insurance against injury as well as lessening the off-season blow of potentially losing Morris and Williams.

No, the reason we should fight for Zito is that I would kill to see a clubhouse with both Zito and Steve Kline. With reality television being the new big thing, just imagine the extra revenue the Cardinals could generate by rooming Kline and Zito together and having them followed by camera crew. Two of baseball's most beloved weirdos racking up wins in the majors and in the Nielsens--I'm thinking of something along the lines of "Jackass" meets Dustin Hoffman in "Rain Man." Heck, I bet the television promotion alone could cover Zito's contract. Throw in guest spots with Tony LaRussa and Paris Hilton traveling cross-country in a pickup truck and you've got a ratings bonanza! I'd even be willing to back them in November's election: Zito/Kline 2004 has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

Get Jocketty on the phone: America may love the Yankees, but this fall they're going to be watching the Cardinals--only on FOX!
--Joe Mammy [The Cardinals Birdhouse]

Len on 07.02.04 @ 03:48 PM CST