Dark Bilious Vapors

Rachel points us to Fluids for Christ. Christian bloodbanking. Somehow, I have a problem taking this seriously....

There is an unmet need in God's community for Christian fluid donations. Blood transfusions from UnChristian donors may have very serious side-effects for even the most devout Christians: backsliding, doubt, and eventual godlessness. (There is debate in the scientific community about this phenomenon, but it can generally be considered to be true.)

Witness this testimony from a Christian Kentuckian named Roy (not his real name):

I got me some blood put in after I cut three fingers off with a putty knife. The nurses tell me that the blood didn't have no AIDS, but they didn't tell me it come from some unbeliever. Man sure must've been a sinner, because as soon as they got me out of the hospital I was cussing. Drinking. Fighting. Prowling around like an itchy cat.

My wife tell me, "Roy, you've been the master of my house for some thirty year, but I'm gonna up and leave you if you don't get that demon blood out of you." I told her, "Woman, you ain't the boss of me."

Well now, she done go to the preacher down to our Shiloh Baptist Church over yonder, and they got to talking about it. He knew I'd lost them fingers and that I'd had that blood put in me. He knew about the dangers, because he's been to school and all. So the wife invites him down to the house to supper. I weren't there. I don't remember now where I was off to -- probably out with a jug. But I come into the house and saw him there at the table. He says to me, "Now Roy, we gonna get that blood out of you. It's the only way to get the demon out." See, he thought I'd caught me a demon.

I says, "Look, Merle, I ain't got no quarrel with you. You leave me be and eat your damned ham." See, that was the demon talking. Anyway, faster than a spooked hog he come running at me, and my wife done it too, and they've got me pinned to the sofa. My wife, she's a might bigger than I is, plus I'd just lost three fingers, so I couldn't move too good. And before I know it, Brother Merle done slapped a few leeches on my neck and such.

Len on 05.31.04 @ 02:23 PM CST